Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but it is especially important in marriage. A good foundation of communication tells of a loving relationship. When you communicate effectively with your spouse, you are able to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a way that is clear, respectful, and understanding. Remember that communication goes beyond words. It helps you to build trust, resolve conflict, and make decisions together.
There are many different aspects of communication in marriage, including:
Active listening: This means paying attention to what your spouse is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. It also means asking clarifying questions and summarizing what you have heard to make sure you understand.
Assertive communication: This means being able to express your thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct way, without being aggressive or passive.
Empathetic communication: This means being able to understand and appreciate your spouse's point of view, even if you don't agree with it.
Conflict resolution: This means being able to deal with disagreements in a constructive way, without resorting to yelling, name-calling, or other destructive behaviors.
If you want to improve your communication in marriage, there are a few things you can do:
Make time to talk. It's important to make time for regular communication with your spouse, even when you're busy. This could mean setting aside specific times each day or week to talk, or simply making an effort to check in with each other throughout the day. Check in messages during the day doesn't not only keep one updated but communicates that you're on their mind. When you set a time to talk, I'd suggest you put away anything that can distract you, especially the phone.
Be honest and open. It's important to be able to share your true thoughts and feelings with your spouse respectfully, even if they're not always easy to talk about. This means being honest about your needs, wants, and desires, as well as your fears and concerns. Be honest about finances. Trust me, money is a very dicey topic if not communicated well. Assumptions are one of the many things that destroy a good foundation of communication. Uncommunicated expectations as well. If you want your partner to love you in a particular way, the best approach is to communicate it clearly. Eph 4:15, But speaking the truth in love, may grow up… Eph 4:25, Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor,...
Be respectful. Even when you disagree, it's important to be respectful of your spouse's feelings and opinions. This means avoiding name-calling, put-downs, and other disrespectful behaviors. This means avoiding silent treatment. I've found words so powerful and long lasting that, after conflicts, they're mostly what each person would remember and take away with.
Be willing to compromise. In any relationship, there are going to be times when you need to compromise. This means being willing to give up something in order to reach a mutually agreeable solution. You may have to give up, sometimes the most percentage without thinking you're being cheated. Marriage is a two in one fight against a problem. It's not a fight between two people. Your aim shouldn't be to win an argument. Attack the problem and not the person. You may ask, "Why shouldn't I attack the person?" I believe your hope is for your partner to do well and if they do better you'd appreciate it. Attacking the person makes the person conscious of their weakness. Attacking the problem is in other words making the person a better person. Amos 3:3, Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Communication is an essential part of any healthy marriage. By following these tips, you can improve your communication skills and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.
Here are some additional tips for improving communication in marriage:
Choose the right time and place to talk. Don't try to have a serious conversation when you're both tired or stressed. Don't speak anyhow about your partner anywhere. Don't wonder later why certain people don't respect your spouse if all you do is paint them dirty around them. Prov 18:21, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Be clear about your expectations. What do you hope to achieve by talking to your spouse? Do you want to resolve a conflict, share a concern, or simply connect?
Listen actively. Pay attention to what your spouse is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Ask clarifying questions and summarize what you have heard to make sure you understand. Jam 1:19, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Avoid blaming and name-calling. Focus on the issue at hand, not on your spouse's character. Don't use words like always, never etc. These are permanent words which I believe have a great effect on a person when used negatively. Your constant confessions of such will make the person into what you're accusing them of. Calling your spouse a fool and expecting them to behave wisely is like planting potatoes and expecting to reap broccoli, absurd. Eph 4:29, Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Be willing to apologize. If you make a mistake, be willing to apologize and make amends. Learn to easily say sorry and yes please. My husband and myself learnt to say sorry at the end of our communications in case we said something that hurt the other person. Col 4:6, Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Eph 4:32, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Seek professional help if needed. If you're struggling to communicate with your spouse, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.
Communication is a skill that can be learned and improved. By following these tips, you can improve your communication in marriage and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.