Fear has been one of the subtle hurdles in almost everyone's life one way or the other.
What is fear?
The Cambridge dictionary defines it as an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen:
Amazingly, even though marriage is a beautiful and pleasant institution that many of us aspire to enter, it's not free of fears. Why so? We have seen, experienced or heard of bad marriages and hence it has tainted our view of what marriage should be. Abusive marriages, unfaithful marriages, traumatic marriages, incompatible, stress filled marriages and a whole lot have marred us. These have developed in us all sorts of fears. What are some of the fears people have when it comes to marriage?
Here are a few:
Fear of commitment: This is the fear of making a lifelong commitment to another person. People with this fear may worry about being trapped in a relationship that they don't want to be in, or they may be afraid of losing their freedom and Independence.
Fear of failure: This is the fear of getting married and then having the marriage fail. Most times the devil convinces us to believe everything we'll do will fail. People with this fear may worry about being divorced, or they may be afraid of hurting their spouse or children if the marriage does end.
Fear of change: Marriage is a major life change, and it can be scary to think about all the things that will change in your life. It's a place where your deepest self comes out. It's not easy to hide in marriage and sometimes we don't even know ourselves that well. This change can unravel a lot in us and hence we may fear being with someone who can change. People with this fear may worry about having to adjust to a new lifestyle, or not being able to handle the challenges of married life.
Fear of the unknown: Marriage is a mystery to many people, and it can be scary to think about what the future holds. People with this fear may worry about not being able to handle the challenges of married life, or they may be afraid of not being good enough for their spouse or what if their spouse changes?
Fear of losing oneself: Marriage is a partnership, and it is important to be able to blend your lives together while still maintaining your own individuality. People with this fear may worry about losing their sense of self in the marriage, or they may be afraid of not being able to be themselves.
Fear of being hurt: Marriage is a vulnerable experience, and it is possible to get hurt in a relationship. People with this fear may worry about being betrayed by their spouse, or they may be afraid of being emotionally or physically abused.
How can one overcome these fears is why we're here. What does the Bible say about fear and how to deal with it.
"Do not be afraid; for I am with you. Do not be dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
God has promised to be with us and so we shouldn't be afraid.
Marriage is a long journey of uncertainties. This is what even holds people back. But our Father, who knows everything and our future has asked us to not be afraid because He is with us. He says He'll help us and strengthen us to go through and enjoy marriage therefore we should trust and believe Him and allow Him to guide us.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7
If God hasn't given us the spirit of fear, then it's not to be accepted as normal. Why shouldn't we accept fear? There's a clear scripture that tells us what we fear is what would come to pass.
Job 3:25
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.
Fear works in the same way faith does. The bad you fear, you believe it will happen, that's what makes you afraid and it happens because you believe it.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)
We stress ourselves so much about what will be that we forget to enjoy what it is now. Allow God to handle things for you.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul."** (Psalm 23:1-2)
As a good shepherd, God provides for us. He brings us to green pastures and quiet waters. He brings us to peace and provision. Believe that God will lead you to the person He knows is good for you. Believe Him to bring peace and provision into your marriage.
"Perfect love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18)
What is perfect love? God is love and love is of God therefore His way of love is perfect and accepting this will cast out all fears.
These verses teach us that God is with us, loves us, and cares for us. He wants to give us strength, peace, and confidence. When we trust in him, we can overcome our fears.
Here are some specific things we can do to overcome fear before marriage according to the Bible:
Pray. Talk to God about your fears and ask him to help you overcome them.
Meditate on Scripture. Read and reflect on passages that speak about God's love, power, and faithfulness. Confess positive marriage into your life.
Help others. When we focus on helping others, it can take our minds off of our own fears. Sometimes the solutions we give others are the solutions we need.
Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling to overcome fear on your own, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or your spiritual counselor can help you to identify the root of your fears and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Talk to your partner about your fears. It is important to be open and honest with your partner about your fears. This can help you to feel supported and less alone.
Do your research. Learn as much as you can about marriage and relationships. This can help you to feel more confident and prepared.
Take things slow. There is no need to rush into marriage. Take your time and get to know your partner well before making a lifelong commitment. There's even no need to rush after you've married. You have your lives to grow and become better.
Remember that marriage is a journey. Marriage is not always easy, but it is a journey that can be filled with joy and fulfilment. Remember to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, and be willing to work through challenges together.
None of us can predict how marriage will turn out. If that is the case why will we choose to look at it negatively when we can through positive thinking have a positive marriage. As believers we should remember whose hand we're holding in life. Remember, you are not alone. God is with you, and he wants to help you overcome marital fears. There are good marriages, believe you'll have one and rest in the promises of God.